Details only matter with long-distance bike trips and hand grenades ...

The plan was this:

1. Pick up JAM143 at the airport at 10:30 AM.
   
2. Drive back to Naseem's, have some breakfast, prepare bikes, drive to Vancouver, hang out, find a campground, sleep in aforementioned campground, leave the next morning (Monday).

Pretty simple.

Apparently, Jimmy thought this plan was a little too simple, lacking in panache, so he decided to leave behind this:

Now the plan is to wait for a FedEx package containing aforementioned passport belonging to aforementioned James Winnifred Morales that will arrive before before 10:00 AM on Tuesday (Priority Overnight). Drive out to Vancouver, then begin ride.

Meh.

Three things before I get to Jimmy Morales'(?) latest post ...

First, go out and buy this record:

Second, go out and buy an old record player like this:

I also recommend that you find a record player that plays a little slowly, preferably around 30 RPMs.

Lastly, put The Modern Lovers LP on the old, slightly slow record player and listen to it and have your mind blown.

Finally, I leave you (singular) with these thoughts:

Is Jimmy Morales really who we think he is?

and

Is Jimmy(?)'s blog better than this?

Answers below.

Answers: Yes and yes.

WHADDAYAKNOW?!?! PM5K ≈ JAM143

Hello loyal reader(s). First, let me offer up a most heartfelt and sincere apology for leaving you alone and direction-less this past week. I have selfishly been attending to personal matters and callously disregarded your often cloying and needy cries for my unique and humorless brand of humor. Though, in my defense, I feel that I must state that I have written several aborted posts in these trying past few days. I write and write and then delete and delete, each time returning to one central thesis. Like a warm, comforting not-deathly-hot sun its gravity pulls me into its soft, pillow-like embrace. And with the rays from this bright, shining star my path is illuminated and I sink into a calm, unparalleled slumber. When I awake, this wordless vision is spread out before me, PM5K ≈ JAM143. That's right, Powerman 5000 is approximately equal to James Alfredo Morales.

Okay, I know what you're thinking, there's no way that Jimmy is anywhere near the unrivaled splendor of Powerman 5000. That's crazy talk, I mean, where are the unicorns (thank you Mr. Cross)? Well, perhaps I can transform this coal-like paradigm that posits a superior Powerman 5000 into a more diamond-like paradigm that levels the playing field.
So, let's draw some comparisons:

1. Powerman 5000 put themselves on the nu metal map with the release of their debut ep True Force and the subsequent LP The Blood Splat Rating System. Jimmy 143 put himself on the actual world map with his '00 Lemond Lemmy Kilmister and his '78 Peugot Rhonda.
2. Just a few years after these two releases, Powerman 5000 was signed to Dreamworks and released the mega!!-awesome Mega!! Kung Fu Radio. As for Jimmy, just a few years after moving from Chino to Berkeley, he moved to The Oakland House. [In this example, Chino ≈ True Force, Berkeley ≈ The Blood Splat Rating System, and Oakland ≈ Mega!! Kung Fu Radio]
3. Around this same time, PM5K began touring the world in support of bigger acts such as Marilyn Manson and Korn. Similarly, a few years later Jimmy would start hanging out with me.
4. With the release of Tonight the Stars Revolt! Powerman 5000 pulled off a difficult double-move: they cemented themselves as full-fledged juggernauts in the new nu-metal world while also showing the world that they weren't afraid to have only one exclamation point in their album title.
5. Here's where things get a little more complicated. With Tonight the Stars Revolt! Powerman 5000 carved their own unique niche with sci-fi themes and industrial (sorta) beats. For the next few years, they would tour the world in support of this album. Now some people might think that Powerman 5000 would ride the tsunami-force wave of success that was Tonight ...!, while others might argue that they needed to release something completely different, to show that they weren't just another flash in the pan. Well, apparently Powerman 5000 thought the former was a good idea making an album called Anyone for Doomsday? that was more or less a photocopy of Tonight ... Revolt!. Unsurprisingly, this album was never released. Faced with a daunting future, Powerman 5000 (at this point really only Spider One (aka MC Spider, aka Michael David Cummings, aka the younger brother of Rob Zombie; take a minute to think about the Christmas dinners Spider One had to endure, "So Rob, we haven't seen you in so long, tell us what you've been up to." " Well, I dissolved White Zombie to focus on my solo material, and recently I've started to direct and produce feature-length movies." "Oh, we're so proud of you Robert. And, uh, Michael, you're still doing some music things, right?" "Well, since my last album sold over a million copies I've been able to do some humanitarian work with Sudanese refu--" "Oh Robert, I forgot to tell you, your aunt Ruthie saw House of 1,000 Corpses and she said she'd never been more frightened in her life. She said she'd already seen it three times!")) -- okay, got a little off-track there. Ah!, faced with a daunting future, Powerman 5000 decided to flip the world on its ear, releasing the punk-inspired album Transform. With this release, Powerman 5000 pulled off a not-as-difficult double move: making an album that is referred to by critics not as punk, but punk-inspired and also displaying their newfound love for literalism in album titles. Okay, so how was Jimmy like in this time period in Powerman 5000-dom? Well, if his bike Lemmy is Mega!! ... and Rhonda is Tonight ...!!!, then his attempt at building a bike is Anyone for Doomsday?, that is, a failure. Now the question remains, will Jimmy make a Transform-type bike? Or will he do something even more special? I'm at the edge of my seat too.
6. Don't worry, I think this exercise in writing is already about 2,000 words too long too.
7. Yeah, I think I might just wrap things up here.

Yeah so, Powerman 5000 and Jimmy have more in common than meets the (untrained) eye.

As for Jimmy's blog, obviously I'm a little behind. I haven't yet read today's post, but last monday Jimmy took up the torch of cyclists everywhere, lamenting their day-to-day plight. Or daily plight. Yeah, their daily plight. Anyway, in the post he paints a modern-day parable of a biker (played by Jimmy himself in a surprise appearance) and an unnamed automobile driver. I'll leave it at that, though I encourage you to read the entire posting (it's all of six paragraphs, one of which is four worlds long).

And I bid you adieu with these:

We're a sci-fi inspired nu-metal band -- hey, what is that up there and to the right?
Psych!! We're totally a punk-inspired band!

Post-script: If anyone is upset with me poking fun at Powerman 5000, I counter quite simply by stating that i bought Tonight the Stars Revolt! back in '99. So there.

omg! jimmy actually posted a comment on my blog!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you guys know what this means?!?!?! JIMMY reads my blog!!!!!
whew ... i'm actually sweating a little bit. so, what did he ask me? oh, did i change his gmail name to cutie patootie? well ... not really. what i did was, when i got his gmail address, i changed his contact name in my address book from jimmy to cutie patootie. but, i mean, c'mon! who wouldn't do that?
anyway, jimmy latest blog entry shows off some pretty impressive pictures of his bike rhonda. it appears as if he took the pictures from the top of a building, possibly his apartment building of residence. this strikes this reader as strange since he (me) has a somewhat vivid memory of jimmy being afraid to climb the ladder to the rooftop. meh, maybe he found another way up. or maybe it's a different building rooftop altogether. or maybe no one cares. i know i don't anymore.
anyway, the rest of the blog is some more technical pitter-patter about callpers and derailleurs and other words i don't understand. though i think the callpers bit might've just been a typo, pretty sure he was trying to talk about those annoying young people on college campuses.
so, jimmy closed with some awesome pictures of rob halford-inspired objects of heavy metal that he's been working on, so i'll close with some cool stuff i've been working on:


kudos if you actually read this. i bored myself to tears writing it (though in my defense i was already crying).

solo (glenn)

before i get to jimmy's latest and most devastating post i feel it is my civic duty to clear up some misconceptions about the title of jimmy's blog (and conversequently my blog).
in regards to jimmy's blog title, there are two competing trains of thought. the first, and correctest (wow, that's actually a word, no line of dots under it suggesting otherwise ... interesting), locomotive is that the title is a play on words taken from the title of judas priest's seminal 1982 classic "you got another thing comin.'" let's take a moment review the lyrics:

one life I’m gonna live it up
I’m taking flight I said I’ll never get enough
stand tall I’m young and kinda proud
I’m on top as long as the music’s loud

that’s right here’s where the talkin’ ends
well listen this night there’ll be some action spent
drive hard I’m callin’ all the shots
I got an ace card comin’ down on the rocks

if you think I’ll sit around while you chip away my brain
listen I ain’t foolin’ and you’d better think again
out there is a fortune waitin’ to be had
you think I’ll let it go you’re mad
you got another thing coming

in this world we’re livin’ in we have our share of sorrow
answer now is don’t give in aim for a new tomorrow

solo (glenn)

oh so hot no time to take a rest yeah
act tough ain’t room for second best
real strong go me some security
hey I’m a big smash I’m goin’ for infinity yeah

if you think I’ll sit around as the world goes by
you’re thinkin’ like a fool cause it’s a case of do or die
out there is a fortune waitin’ to be had
you think I’ll let it go you’re mad
you got another thing comin’

jesus, kenneth, rob, and glenn really nailed it with that one, didn't they? umm, for clarification, the "jesus" in that previous sentence was meant as a kind of declaration, like "jesus! it's raining female alligator testicles (or something funnier to picture it raining)," not that the foursome of jesus, kenny, rob, and glenn nailed it, though some would argue that that foursome did nail it; however, others might argue that jesus would never work with someone like rob halford, but then this guy covered this very song, so who's to say? wait a second, what the hell was i talking about? okay, let's get back on track (see how i did that, with the track bit there? i was already using the train metaphor and then i said "let's get back on track." yeah, that feels good). now obviously, jimmy took his blog title from this monumental heavy metal song. the lyrics read like a veritable mission statement for jimmy's life. and that's in addition to the obvious parallels between jimmy's personal life and that of rob halford.
okay, so that's one train of thought. the other (and i even hesitate to mention it for fear of lending credence to it, but this reader seemed determined to at least give his theory its proper due) competing idea is that the title of jimmy's blog is taken from the the expression, "if that's what you think, you've got another thing coming" or "if that's what you think, you've got another think coming." see how that works? if so, you're one step ahead of these folks. anyway, to think that the title was taken from this is just downright silly. why would jimmy care about some inane expression? no, it's much more likely that jimmy took it from the song that allmusic calls "a classic heavy metal anthem -- an instantly memorable chorus that was perfect for an arena full of metalheads to shout along to, meaty guitar riffs, and "us vs. them" lyrics."
as for the title of my blog, it too is a play on words. if you'll notice, the line "you think i'll let it go you're mad" comes before the line "you got another thing comin'." see that? so my lyric comes before jimmy's, but in the blog world, mine comes after jimmy (much like jimmy comes after rob halford -- hey-o!).

SO -- i guess there isn't much else to say at this point. the future of jimmy's blog (and subseversely this blog) seems to be uncertain. perhaps the theme of jimmy's blog will shift from building a bike to modifying his current bike rhonda. one can only hope (and fervently pray on bended knee).

also, there's a good chance the link thingies i put in here won't work. if they don't ... well, just know that i tried.

i'll leave you with these two competing images:



i don't even want to tell you how long it took me to get those two pictures on there ... sometimes (most often) i really am just a mental defective.

disclosure: i hope i didn't offend rob halford. priest in the east was one of the first cds i ever bought. seriously. i in no way would want to offend mr. halford or anyone who supports him or judas priest. no, i only intended to offend gays and the whole gay community. okay, that WAS a joke. seriously. guh, i'm an idiot.

good news dear reader(s) ...

The tide is beginning to turn for me (and you!), this here dude has it on good authority that James Morales’ long-awaited, first-ever blog will be up and running within a few days. In a conversation with Jimmy (James Morales; hereafter referred to as Jimmy, cutie patootie, or jimbleshanks the railway cat) earlier today (via email) I learned that he will “get on that later today.” !!!.

Earlier conversations point toward the eminent three-quarter master focusing his blog on everything from the Hapsfield Laser to cooking, superconducting supercolliders to the “super” sonics (the punk band, not the basketball team in seattle (or not in seattle, depending on when you’re reading this; one weakness in Jimmy’s formidable arsenal is his apparent lack of NBA knowledge)), discourse on Lorentzian vs. Riemannian to discourse on mustaches vs. beards, why blackbody radiation might be a paper tiger to why the chevy’s on 3rd and howard thinks it’s okay to operate outside the parameters of the corporate-promoted “el happy hour”, written jibberish on a huge whiteboard to written jibberish in a book about math in nature – but all in relation to building a bike.

Before I delve into the current life of Jimmy, perhaps it would be best to speak briefly about how we have come to know the present Jimmy? Yes? Okay, let’s do it then:
Jimmy was born and raised in southern California, in the city of Chino (to avoid any arguments, I’ve referred to Chino as being in southern California, and while it is in the southern region of California, I think most people would agree with me that it’s not really southern California, but I digress …). Born circa 1983, he probably attended elementary school and high school in chino, the latter most likely being chino high school. It’s this writer’s guess that at some point during these 12 years of primary and secondary education that he became interested in physics.

(wait a second, gmail - inbox - (1), oh jesus my pants are getting tight)

oh god:

"aight y'all, my blog is up. you don't have to check it out, but if you want to it's http://yougotanotherthinkcoming.blogspot.com/

pieces"

i'm lightheaded, more later ...